Mike Stuart - Spouse

Unclaimed Baggage: What's Weighing You Down?

Have you ever gotten into a relationship, whether it be business or personal, only to find out after some time has passed that he or she has a great deal of hurts, scars or issues from a previous relationship or situation? Some people call it skeletons in the closet. I tend to think of these past issues as baggage....like a suitcase or luggage. Baggage can sometimes be big and cumbersome, and after a while, it's just a pain in the butt to carry around.

I often talk about this with my clients as they contemplate starting an entrepreneurial venture, or are having issues with an unsupportive spouse. I ask them about some of the baggage or "junk" that they have in their lives related to business and the family. You'd be amazed at how the smallest memories or scars from a past situation can bring about a great deal of fear in one person.

"So let me ask you, Amy, why are you so opposed to Jim starting this business?" At first she may say, "The insecurity of it all or the financial instability is scary." But once I begin to peel back the layers of the onion, I soon realize that Amy's issues are much deeper than her worries about their particular financial situation. I may uncover stories from her past of when her father may have attempted a business and put her mother through very difficult times. Maybe that difficult time ended in a divorce and she blames the dissolution of her family on her father starting that business and never being at home.

Now with Jim wanting to start a venture, it's very difficult because of Amy's baggage....the stuff that neither of them has talked about or worked through together. I've heard story after story after story of people who have unclaimed baggage that is unresolved. They have real fears and real issues that demand/require/need attention and validation. The issues, though, need to come to the surface and be dealt with effectively before they can have a thriving business.

Here are a few steps to get started along the path of getting rid of your baggage:

· Be prepared to openly discuss hurts, pains and disappointments

· Show your appreciation for your hurting spouse. You may not have experienced these pains, but rest assured, they are real and you must acknowledge them and not minimize their impact.

· Set proper expectations going forward. How do you plan to avoid making the same mistakes that your spouse experienced?

· Practice effective communication. Make sure both of you openly communicate your feelings and fears as you move forward.

· Have active accountability. Get a coach to help you stay on track with meeting the demands of the business, but most importantly, the expectations of your spouse and family.

· Take time to heal. Time may not heal all wounds, but it sure helps.

· And yes...if you discover deep-seated wounds, by all means seek professional help.

So, take the necessary time with your spouse and ask some of those revealing questions about their feelings, experiences, and fears that may keep them from fully supporting an entrepreneurial venture. Your business and your family will be better for it!

Entrepreneur Spouse

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Have Your Spouse Help You Choose a Mate

My parents invested significant time into my life to help me be a good judge of character. They wanted me to have friends that would influence me for good and not pull me away from the core values they were instilling. Their input in my life became even more important when it came to choosing the spouse I would spend the rest of my life with. Today I have a great group of friends and colleagues that encourage and support my entrepreneurial endeavors and a totally awesome, supportive, smokin hot wife!

From a business perspective...there is not much difference. We still need to be a great judge of character when it comes to whom we do business with. Choosing a business partner may be a close second to choosing a spouse. Entrepreneurs, you may not have a parent looking over your shoulder, but it may be a good idea for your spouse to come along side you when its time to chose the right business partners. This is just like a marriage partnership, so extreme care and caution are warranted. Just like a marriage is not easy to dissolve, trying to dissolve a partnership can bring about similar pain, frustration and potential financial ruin.

My spouse has a weird 6th sense about her. I can meet someone and have a great conversation and think, "Wow! This is a great person who can help me and vice versa." Then my wife may have the opportunity to spend some time with that same person and come away with a totally different perspective. Most of the time she is right on the money with her evaluation and probable outcome of a business relationship. She's never shy about saying "I told you so...".

My advice to you is to get to know a potential partner for a couple of years before you go into business together. That's easy for me to say...I dated my wife 6 years before we were married! But that may be hard for some to swallow because business opportunities have limited timetables. But just like my dad always told me about my girlfriends growing up... "Mike, just remember son, every date, is a possible mate". And so it is with your business acquaintances. Every person you connect and network with may be a potential business partner for you in the future. It's the true motives, experience and character you are looking for, not just charisma, education or cash. So include yo

ur spouse in your observations and get their thoughts regarding your business partners.

Here a few key questions to ask...
· Do our core values align?

· Do we complement each other? You are NOT looking for someone to emulate you.

· Do they have a strong financial education?

· Do you like, trust, and respect them?

· Do you like, trust and respect their spouse?

· Can you confront or critique them without them getting defensive or angry?

· Is their own personal household in harmony...wife, kids, finances, etc...?

· Have you checked references, done background checks?

· Have you talked about your business owner's agreements concerning ownership, contributions of time and money, and exit plans?

You've heard marriage described as the "old ball and chain". While I personally hate that description for marriage, it's fairly accurate for business partnerships. Don't make hasty decisions when it comes to business partners.

Entrepreneur Spouse

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