Mike Stuart - Entrepreneurial Manipulation

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Entrepreneurial Manipulation

Written by Mike Stuart
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
My wife made an interesting comment to me this weekend. In the midst of bickering back and forth about something stupid, she says to me..."Well, you know you always get what you want...so go ahead". This made me stop and think about 2 things. 1) Do I really always get what I want? 2) Is the "go ahead" statement really permission or a dare? By the look in her eye, I quickly new it was a dare and so I decided to back off. But what happened next was quite interesting to me. I started thinking about how to get my way...i couldnt get it out of my mind. I didnt realize it quite yet, but I started to manipulate her and the situation. Manipulation can be used for good or bad...right? In my mind I was speculating and manipulating her in order to get my way. I let some time go by before I said anything about what I wanted, but sure enough I subtly suggested something and then another something and another, until finally she gave in. Its when later that afternoon she said, "see, I told you...you would get your way" that it really sank in. Ouch! I am a completely selfish idiot! She was right! I do always get my way! I got to thinking about why I do this. Many, many, reasons came to mind, but one stuck out to me that I deal with on a day to day basis. I am a serial entrepreneur, and by nature I am driven to achieve what I want. Each day I am faced with new challenges, fires, goals, initiatives, and opportunities. I love what I do. I love being a coach, speaker and author. I love helping people figure things out, grow their business and helping them get what they want. But the lesson I am learning is this. My selfishness sometimes blinds my better judgement. I don't need to always be right. I don't always need to get what I want, and I don't need to negotiate with my wife. I certainly don't need to manipulate. I need to discuss, listen and respect her input. For some reason that drive to win, achieve and conquer is overwhelming for many entrepreneurs. Although It's one of our inherent characteristics , its not an excuse. We entrepreneurs need to realize that our spouse and family are not something to conquer. They are real people that need to be loved and nurtured. My family is a big deal to me, but not a business deal. Yes spouses, we entrepreneurs are hard headed and slow to learn. Be patient with us! Entrepreneur Spouse Set as favorite Bookmark Email This Trackback(0) TrackBack URI for this entry Comments (2) Subscribe to this comment's feed ... written by Brian Massey, January 16, 2009 If you strip away the guilt-ridden "I'm selfish" statement and get real honest, she's telling you what is true about your current relationship: right then, at that moment, the business is more important to you than she is. What she's saying is "you're going to do what you want, and what you want isn't me." The alternative to manipulation may be honesty: "I'm going to make this business work, and I know it's going to hurt our relationship to do that." Ouch. Full disclosure: I've never been this honest with my wife. BTW, I found you via SWOM. http://www.theswom.org.com +0 ... written by Tim Yates, December 11, 2008 How do you know your wife wasn't really manipulating you, to make you believe that you always get your way, thus making you cave in against your own will and give here what she desires?? eh? Great blog Mike, more and more people will be reading as they hear about it. +1 Write comment Name Email Website Comment smaller \| bigger Subscribe via email (Registered users only) Write the displayed characters

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