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Unclaimed Baggage: What's Weighing You Down? |
Have you ever gotten into a relationship, whether it be business or personal, only to find out after some time has passed that he or she has a great deal of hurts, scars or issues from a previous relationship or situation? Some people call it skeletons in the closet. I tend to think of these past issues as baggage....like a suitcase or luggage. Baggage can sometimes be big and cumbersome, and after a while, it's just a pain in the butt to carry around.
I often talk about this with my clients as they contemplate starting an entrepreneurial venture, or are having issues with an unsupportive spouse. I ask them about some of the baggage or "junk" that they have in their lives related to business and the family. You'd be amazed at how the smallest memories or scars from a past situation can bring about a great deal of fear in one person.
"So let me ask you, Amy, why are you so opposed to Jim starting this business?" At first she may say, "The insecurity of it all or the financial instability is scary." But once I begin to peel back the layers of the onion, I soon realize that Amy's issues are much deeper than her worries about their particular financial situation. I may uncover stories from her past of when her father may have attempted a business and put her mother through very difficult times. Maybe that difficult time ended in a divorce and she blames the dissolution of her family on her father starting that business and never being at home.
Now with Jim wanting to start a venture, it's very difficult because of Amy's baggage....the stuff that neither of them has talked about or worked through together. I've heard story after story after story of people who have unclaimed baggage that is unresolved. They have real fears and real issues that demand/require/need attention and validation. The issues, though, need to come to the surface and be dealt with effectively before they can have a thriving business.
Here are a few steps to get started along the path of getting rid of your baggage:
· Be prepared to openly discuss hurts, pains and disappointments
· Show your appreciation for your hurting spouse. You may not have experienced these pains, but rest assured, they are real and you must acknowledge them and not minimize their impact.
· Set proper expectations going forward. How do you plan to avoid making the same mistakes that your spouse experienced?
· Practice effective communication. Make sure both of you openly communicate your feelings and fears as you move forward.
· Have active accountability. Get a coach to help you stay on track with meeting the demands of the business, but most importantly, the expectations of your spouse and family.
· Take time to heal. Time may not heal all wounds, but it sure helps.
· And yes...if you discover deep-seated wounds, by all means seek professional help.
So, take the necessary time with your spouse and ask some of those revealing questions about their feelings, experiences, and fears that may keep them from fully supporting an entrepreneurial venture. Your business and your family will be better for it!
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I always say that the best marriages are the ones where each one lets the other one continue to grow in their own personal journey in life - and yet remain partners and work together as partners when something isn't quite right.
The key is to communicate and give each other the freedom to continue to grow as individuals and hang in there when the going gets tough. Life's too short to look backwards. If everyone would live in the now and continue to work towards a more rewarding future, the world would definately be a different place.
Rachael Tiedeman