How a Work Life Balance Coach Can Kick You Out of Your Comfort Zone
You CAN grow a seven-figure income and an indestructible family. You CAN turn your company into something that benefits you and those closest to you. You CAN succeed in business and in life right now!
I know what you're thinking... This all sounds fantastic on paper, but is it really possible? Could it be true that life doesn't have to consist of either feeling guilty about not being at home or feeling guilty about not being at work? You've overcome "impossible" challenges in the past but work life balance seems like a loftier goal than an IPO.
Entrepreneurs' greatest strengths are also their greatest weaknesses: they're self-sufficient, independent control freaks. But to really grow a healthy business and family, you need to learn to rely on others and seek expert advice. Life coaches, like me, can objectively see the field, assess the players' strengths and weaknesses, and set up plays that will get first downs that ultimately lead to touchdowns. A coach will ask the tough questions , hold you accountable, and get in your face-if necessary. Coaches can also recommend counseling or therapy if you need special support to dig deeper into relationship issues. Sports coaches help their players win a game and work life balance coaches show their clients how to win in life. Coaches make you uncomfortable now so you don't lose later.
Here's the deal. When the urgent is breathing flames of fire, it will be almost impossible to push yourself to invest in what's important. In the moment, the ballet recital can seem insignificant compared to the emergency client meeting. But in the long run, going to the first could make a far greater impact. A coach helps turn the important into the urgent and the qualitative into the quantifiable by keeping you accountable to take specific action steps.
Even Sam Walton, founder of Wal-Mart and Sam's Club, confessed on his deathbed, "I blew it." Wow! One of the richest men in the world thinks he blew it. How is that possible? Did he miss a huge business opportunity? No-he missed a huge family opportunity. Walton barely knew his youngest son or grandchildren and had scarred relationships with his wife and other family members. On his deathbed, one of the greatest entrepreneurs of all time wasn't thinking about professional wins, but about personal losses. What legacy will you leave?
If you're really serious about drastically shifting your ways of thinking and living, it's essential to recruit a solid coach. When you go it alone, it's too easy to slip back into old habit patterns. But when you work with a coach, you'll receive constant reminders that eating dinner with your family can pay invaluable dividends and that you need to delegate business tasks. With a professional, experienced coach, you can learn to "lead a legacy" with lasting value not tomorrow, but today.
Early in my career, I ran into a friend who I hadn't seen in a while at a conference. As he approached me, I stretched out my arm to shake his hand. He ignored my professional gesture and clasped me in a big bear hug. (Slightly awkward.)
I tried to pull away, but he grabbed my shoulders and drew me so close that our noses touched. (Doubly awkward.) I attempted to pull back my head, but he kept me close. With his hands on my shoulders and our noses touching, my supposed friend asked, "Does this make you feel uncomfortable?" I, of course, sarcastically replied, "Uh, yeah, a little bit." And I kept unsuccessfully straining to regain my personal space.
When he finally let me go, I said, "What the heck was that about?!" He smiled and said, "Mike, sometimes life is a little uncomfortable-kind of like what you just experienced. Who's asking you the tough questions that make you squirm? The questions that help you make the right choices and hold you accountable? The questions that no one else will ask you about how you are doing at home, with your family as well as work? What's the name of your coach or mentor?"
I shook my head and said, "Nobody." He said, "Mike, most people are pretty comfortable. But when humans are comfortable, they don't change. It's when they're uncomfortable that they seek change in their lives." He then told me that I had a week to find someone who would ask me the tough questions. Someone to coach me . Someone to mentor me. Someone to help me become the best person that I could be, at home and at work.
Joy Versus Happiness: A State of Being for a Balanced Life
I often hear people talk about their desire to be happy. Honestly, who doesn't want to be happy? However, when you really look at life and the world in general, is it possible to be genuinely happy all the time? Granted, it is the most sought after inward state of all human beings, but is it truly attainable?
I believe happiness should not necessarily be the THING that we pursue in life. In fact, by pursuing something greater than happiness, I believe it will be a natural by-product of your living. Seasons in life come and go. Circumstances change. In the midst of all of these dynamics, your emotional state of being is often tested. I believe that by pursuing consistent joy in your life instead of constant happiness, a greater sense of well-being can be attained.
Joy is a state of well being whereas happiness is dependant on circumstances and emotions. You can actually have joy in the midst of struggles, though it is hard to often maintain happiness during these same times. Because "junk" happens, I tell my work life balance clients to remember some main principles when they are considering how to maintain joy in their lives:
Build your life on the truth. Take care of your soul. In my opinion truth lies in the word of God. Seeking any revelation of truth often brings opposition, but over time gives way to stability and wisdom. What is truth to you?
Build your life upon solid goals and right priorities. When we build our lives on achieving what is ultimately best for our family, and us we find real satisfaction and happiness in these accomplishments. Make sure priorities are family focused .
Build your life on the here and now. Be in the moment. Don't worry about tomorrow's root canal, pending bills or a visit from your in-laws. Focus on the here and now, and take time to count your blessings each day.
Build your life upon love and goodwill not upon hate and animosity. Our personal relationships are one of the greatest sources of happiness. On the other hand, they can be one of the greatest sources of pain and frustration. The golden rule applies here!
Build your life upon serving others. The bottom line...helping others increases your joy and thus your happiness! Helping others enables you to put your own problems into perspective and also provides social interaction.
Happiness fundamentally is a byproduct of joy, yet it evolves from ways carefully designed and wisely executed. There will be lots of things that attempt to rob you of your joy, but it is attainable if you desire to make it a conscious part of your every day life. Be determined...to be joyful!
Have any suggestions for a joy filled life...leave me a comment!
A Key to Work Life Balance: Effective Communication
Guys...lets face it, we are not the best communicators in the world. Am I right? How many times has your spouse made this very point?
All right...here's the deal...I'm going to help you create a few habits in your life to regain the incredibly valuable asset of communication. Why is this so important? Because this is a vital part of our quest for work-life-balance.
When we effectively communicate to our spouses, we fill up their tank, gain their buy-in to our businesses and careers and ultimately bring about a stronger relationship.
Here are four steps to gaining the communication asset:
1) Commitment - You must both be committed to working together on effective communication . It takes 2 to make this work. Make sure you both understand the reason this is important, and make a commitment to each other for your business's sake and for the sake of your marriage.
2) Set aside Daily 1on 1 time - Now this may be difficult for some of you and yes, I have heard a million excuses, why people can't do this, but when people implement this little discipline into their lives, they are amazed at the results. Here is what I want you to do. Each day, when you walk in the door, kiss the spouse, kiss the kids, and then sit down with your spouse on the couch. Tell the rug rats that are tugging at your leg, that this is mommy and daddy time and that you will talk to them in a few minutes.
Now, for the next 15 minutes...talk about your days. Be an active and focused listener!
This is not a time for you to solve all the problems one of you may be facing. This is for you entrepreneurs...you may solve problems all day long, but your spouse may not be looking for your all-knowing insight. He or she may just want to talk and have you listen. I know! Crazy isn't it? That someone with a problem may not want your answers to their problems?
Simply talk about what is going on at work, home, family, school, whatever. What has you excited today? What has you down? Are you worried? Are you stressed...Why? Talk, for 15 minutes and don't allow any distractions.
Now, this may seem like a simple and logical thing to do, but you will be amazed at the results, when you are fully committed. I have coached many people through this little exercise and one of the most incredible results is the impact it will have on your kids. I've even had a number of people say that since implementing this exercise that their kids are finally sleeping through the night! Why would this impact your kids you ask? Because they simply want to see that mommy and daddy love each other and actually enjoy talking. This brings an amazing sense of security to children and shows them how important quality communication really is. This is what's called becoming Family Focused.
3) Take time to reflect - Now, I am not suggesting by any means that the communication should stop at this point, but you can get off the couch now and get on with life. It's important that you have some time to reflect individually on what was said. Maybe you have some good insight into what he said? Maybe you have additional questions about something? Once you have had some time to reflect, you may have a much more productive and effective next conversation, lets say at dinner...or while talking in bed. Trust me, pillow talk becomes much more fun after the business talk is done!
4) Support each other and be decisive- don't procrastinate - Entrepreneurs by nature make decisions and act quickly on those decisions. The point here is to have effective communication surrounding decisions and to support each other's decisions. You may not agree with all decisions, but at least you now have perspective and have effectively communicated about the topic and can support each other in that particular area. This allows the spouse to have insight and a say in your business or career, and allows the entrepreneur insight and a say into the life of the family.
If your spouse does not know what's going on with you at work, then it's really hard to bring true "balance" to the work life balance initiative. He or she starts to speculate and imagine the worst. Don't give them any reason to do this. Implement these simple steps to avoid the speculation.
The sharing of information can become effective communication and ultimately dedication to each other and the business.
Since the term “work/life balance” first appeared in the 1970s, I thought i would share this skit from Muppet Show from 1968. I think Jim Henson's message is more relevant than ever.
The expression "work/life balance" really means maintaining balance or equilibrium among all the priorities in your life. In my opinion, people get into trouble when they run their lives by a list of daily tasks instead of "values based" living. One of the biggest values in my life is my family. That's why I'm a Family Man Entrepreneur, and teach others how to be Family Focused. When I keep my values in clear view every day, I am more likely to make decisions in my business and personal life that benefits and reinforces my core values...my family. Its when we get so focused on our business that sometimes we don't see some of those core values that should be shaping our lives and others around us.
Of course, everyone is different, and I find that the state of work/life balance differs from person to person. But what if there is little or no balance over an extended period of time? Most people experience stress, frustration, and eventually, burnout.
It really is a war within ourselves.
While you go about your day today...thinking about "Business, Business", maybe we should all stop and think (light-bulb!) about the core values that should help govern our personal lives and our business...like the ones suggested in this skit. "Love, peace, joy, hope, happiness, brotherhood, friendship..."
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You CAN grow a seven-figure income and an indestructible family. You CAN turn your company into something that benefits you and those closest to you. You CAN succeed in business and in life right now!...
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I often hear people talk about their desire to be happy. Honestly, who doesn't want to be happy? However, when you really look at life and the world in general, is it possible to be genuinely happy all the time? Granted, it is the most sought after inward state of all human beings, but is it truly attainable? 
